Mankind has accomplished so much in its brief time here on this earth. We’ve landed on the moon, cured polio, built mammoth structures that scrape the skies and endured 12 too many seasons of Keeping up with the Kardashians. But we still haven’t found a universal cure for the common hangover! Sure, people say the best cure is just to not drink, but for us that’s not really an option because, well, because we like to party.
Sure there are some surefire remedies out there that everyone and their grandma would swear by: a frozen horse steak over your forehead for 30 minutes after you wake up, drinking a pint of kefir before going to sleep, or even saying 12 Hail Mary’s before your first shot goes down the hatch. If you actually believe any of these actually work, you’re clearly still drunk. Go back to bed.
We all know the symptoms: bloodshot eyes, pulsating headaches, dry mouths, alcohol breath, and a general contempt for anything that isn’t a dark room with comfortable sheets and Netflix. Your hangover is proof you can drink like a champion, but here we’ll teach you how to recover like a shaman. Here are some remedies from around the world that promise to kick even the worst hangovers.
Just kidding. If you’ve ever been drunk with a group of Poles, you’ll often hear this remedy the morning after. If your stomach or brain can’t handle even the thought of more vodka, then drinking pickle/cucumber juice from a jar will do the trick. It’s rich in a lot of potassium and salts that will replenish your body’s electrolytes and put all the pep back in your step. Just try not to look too healthy, or your Polish friends will scoop you up and you’ll be right back in the bar before you can say na zdrowie!
Sour Cabbage Juice
Seems like keeping a nice vegetable garden an arms length away might save you from a few horrific mornings. If you find yourself recovering from a rocking night out of Rakija, you can cook up some sour cabbage (sauerkraut) and drink the juices after. The juices are called rasol and are rich in Vitamin C, E, K, B, U and many other nutritional elements. Plus, after you drink the leftover juices, you still have some food to eat! Everyone wins.
Boiled cow or sheep’s feet soup (Khash)
If you ever wake up face down in a bale of hay with livestock licking your ear, you’re in luck! Azerbaijanis swear that if you have the patience and culinary skills to make this delicious broth, you’ll be glad you did. The meat gets very tender after being boiled for several hours and the broth is rich in nutrients. The meal is usually accompanied by a small shot of vodka, so the old “hair-of-the-dog” ritual is at play here. But as a standalone dish, natives swear by its magical healing powers.
Nothing wrong with going the old traditional route of bacon, eggs, ham, and toast after a few pints too many. The most important food in here is the eggs, because eggs contain cysteine, which is good for breaking down acetaldehyde, the toxin that causes hangovers in the first place. So if you’re lucky enough to live in a bed and breakfast, or your mother loves you enough, a traditional breakfast in bed will do the trick and put the glide back in your stride.
If you had a tough time keeping up with every glass of wine that came with each of the zillion courses you had last night at dinner, then a few espresso’s in the morning will fix you right up. When you’re hungover your blood vessels get restricted , so the caffeine will dilate them allowing more blood to get around your body faster. So a couple cups and your up and buzzing around, ready for another round of wine and pasta.
The United States
Grease. Not just pounding a liquid vat of it, but inhaling the greasiest foods you can find. Americans are known for fast foods and laziness typically, and thise couldn’t be on display more than on hangover days. Ordering a pizza, taking a trip to your local McDonalds, or just snacking on some microwaveable goodies and taking a good nap after usually does the trick. There’s no scientific evidence to back up its efficiency, but you can’t argue with American tenacity for an afternoon spent day-drinking the night after a full bender.
The Persimmons Fruits
The Japanese like to eat a fruit called persimmons after a sake-fueled night out. This fruit is rich in antioxidants, vitamins A and C, and twice as much fibre as an apple to push all the leftover junk from last night out of your system. So if you wake up in a park under a persimmons tree, thank your sake Gods, pick a couple off and let the regeneration begin.
Tequila hangovers are on par with some of the most vile hangovers you can have. Luckily, Mexicans have a surefire way to combat them. Fried tortillas smothered in spicy salsa will soak up most of the alcohol and the spiciness will probably make you sweat out the rest. So make sure to hold onto your leftover tortillas, as they could save you from a nasty morning sometime.
Although many Chinese people lack an enzyme that helps metabolize alcohol, that doesn’t stop them from partaking in full on benders from time to time. They’re pretty on the ball when it comes to beating hangovers too. Congee, which is a rice-porridge, will get your body hydrated and back in action after a tough night out drinking lots of baiju. It’s usually served with chicken or other types of meat in it for some added protein. You don’t get to be one of the world leaders in technological advances without knowing how to kick a bad hangover when you’ve got important
Kit hangover – water, pills and a blanket
I think we can all agree that most people don’t have the time or patience to whip up some cultural delectables after a long night out. We usually stick to some aspirin, water, and good old fashioned sleep, which works just fine. But if you ever want to recover in style, or find yourself face down the morning after in any of the abovementioned countries, you can get a little cultural and try some of these cures to get your engines running again.